Surrender

It’s been a great year. I’ve published two books, launched the “Discover Your Identity” workshops, hosted a women’s retreat, spoke at several events, and coached a half-dozen women with identity, speaking, and writing projects. The Chemist and I have studied the lives of Daniel and Abraham, and both of us have grown in our faith, had sweet encounters with Jesus, and embraced challenges in our faith journey. Is it ironic that I end a great year with a challenge to my faith journey? I feel like I’ve been set up.

Have you ever been asked a question that shook your spirit like an earthquake tremor deep down inside you? I didn’t even see it coming. Even after journaling my reflection, even after several days, the tremors continue to cause shifting inside me. I don’t know what to hold on to, and all I want to do is reign it in. The tension is heightened by something in my heart that is saying “yes” to this question, something that wants what waits on the other side.

Is there an area in your heart where God’s love is not flowing?

My pen began moving. Two areas, three emotions. There was no guilt nor condemnation. Just an awareness that these areas were void of God’s love.

What would these areas look like in the Garden of Eden, with God’s love flowing through them?

I can process this in my mind, but this is a heart issue. “Lord”, I prayed, “Make me willing to be willing to let you in.” I was rattled for days. Why was I feeling so shaky about these areas? Why had I never invited God’s love in there before? The emotions, fear, confusion, and discontent, pointed to the answer. The two areas are foundational values to me. The fear, confusion, and discontent are like doors that keep God’s love out. Not intentionally, but simply because those doors had never been open before.

Sometimes it takes me a while to pull my thoughts together and circle back to the Lord. This morning my prayer sounded a bit like this, “Lord, I feel like I’m trying to reign in a wild horse.” The whisper in my heart answered, “The wild horse only resists when you try to control it.” Boom. There it was. That was the heart of the tension.

When we let God’s love into our lives, we have a choice. We can try to control it, making Him fit into our life, or we can do what we were created to do, let His love flow freely in all areas of our lives. The result of first choice is tension, battle, and constant maintenance to control it. The result of the second choice begins with a flood of peace, joy, love, gentleness, kindness, and this is just the beginning. It’s that intimate fellowship with were designed to have with Father God. We were not designed to manage our fears and confusion. We were designed for peace and to operate with the mind of Christ.

“Lord, I choose You.” I choose to let you run wild and free in my heart.

Let’s be brave and open those doors. Let’s throw down the reigns and let that horse run free.